that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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