Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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