FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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