Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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