New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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