my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
