Me too!
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
