I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
