Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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