if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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