I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
