i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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