She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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