She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
