6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
