I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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