I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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