So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Rumble strips road head = magical
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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