ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
