Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Is it because I queefed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize