You're completely useless in the revolution.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she peed on how many people?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
