How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize