can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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