My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
