Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
