Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
you had me at cake vodka
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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