I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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