If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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