and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Pooping to opera.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
