dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
