I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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