dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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