It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize