So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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