If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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