She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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