the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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