Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
