is your mom at the bar?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
