I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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