Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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