Cold hands, warm shart.
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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