but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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