and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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