I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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