i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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