Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
