SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
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Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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