if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
