genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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