South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
