textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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