he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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