My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
