Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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