i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
