Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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