apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You need a sexual gate keeper
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
