I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
